Holding Each Other Through Tragedy: Collective Grief Support

This week, a tragedy struck the heart of the Filipino community and rippled across Vancouver. As our team of counsellors has been processing what this means for us as individuals, we are also heartbroken for the impact on the victims, witnesses, and loved ones of victims. What was meant to be a joyful celebration at the Lapu Lapu Day Festival became a scene of deep sorrow, shock, and loss. In the aftermath, many of us are left trying to make sense of what happened, holding space for grief we can’t always name, and wondering how to support those most affected. While I never feel like words are enough for times like these, I hope to offer some words of support and education if you find yourself reading this asking questions like “what now?”, “How do I support people in my life who are grieving?” or “I don’t know what to do with this grief”. 

If You Are Searching for Answers in Your Grief

If you found yourself here because you’re grieving—whether quietly, loudly, or somewhere in between—please know that even in this small corner of the internet your grief and your pain matter. What you’re feeling makes sense, is valid, and you don’t need to explain or justify your feelings to anyone. 

Grief can feel disorienting, like the world has shifted underneath your feet.  You may be asking:

• Why did this happen?

• Why them?

• Why do I feel this way, when I wasn’t even there?

• How do I keep going when it hurts this much?

These are questions without simple answers. And yet, just asking them means you’re already doing the work of grieving—of honouring what was lost and searching for connection in the middle of the pain. 

You don’t need to have it all figured out. You don’t need to be “strong” all the time. And you don’t need to go through this alone.

Grief is not a problem to fix—it’s a process to move through, and you’re allowed to take your time. Some days may feel foggy. In the aftermath of a crisis and tragic loss you may still be feeling numb and in shock. In the future, you may feel moments of clarity or even joy, and it that happens that does not mean that the loss is any less significant or that you are forgetting. It means you are human, and grief is a very complex process.

There are people who want to walk with you—counsellors, support groups, friends, faith leaders. Sometimes just talking to one person who understands can make all the difference. You are not alone in this, and you don’t have to carry it all by yourself. You may feel like “what could someone even say to me that would make this feel better?” And I feel that tension. I don’t think that the right words can simply take away or diminish the pain you are feeling. The thing I have learned about grief is that it can be incredibly isolating, so my hope is that you know you don’t need to be alone, and that if you need someone to sit with you while you are grieving please reach out to people in your life or to a counsellor for support. We can’t take the pain away, but you don’t have to be alone in it. 

What to Do if You Are Grieving:

Whether you lost someone directly, witnessed the accident, or are carrying the sorrow of your community—your grief is valid. Here are some ways to begin processing it, gently and on your own terms:

1. Acknowledge What You’re Feeling

Grief can show up as sadness, anger, confusion, fear, or numbness. Sometimes it’s all of them at once. Give yourself permission to feel exactly what you feel, without judgment or timeline. This can be as simple as saying out loud, internally, or writing it down: “I am feeling grief right now”, “I’m angry right now and that is part of my grief”, “I’m feeling numb and in shock and can’t seem to do anything right now” 

2. Let Your Body Lead

Grief is not just emotional—it’s physical. You might feel tightness in your chest, fatigue, restlessness, or aches in your body. If words are hard to find, try gentle movement like walking, stretching, or just placing a hand on your heart or belly to reconnect with your body. As uncomfortable or unpleasant as some sensations might be, we don’t need to be afraid of them, we can acknowledge they are our body showing up and grieving. 

3. Find Safe Outlets

• Talk to someone you trust: a friend, spiritual leader, or counsellor.

• Write down your thoughts, even if they’re messy or incomplete.

• Create: art, music, or anything expressive can give shape to what’s inside you.

• Cry, scream, rest—whatever your grief is asking for.

• Move your body: through dance, running, kicking a ball, throwing something, walking – whatever movement your grief needs to express itself is okay

4. Don’t Force Meaning

In the early days, people may try to find a reason for what happened or offer platitudes like “everything happens for a reason.” People are often uncomfortable with grief – in themselves and others – and think that finding some sort of silver lining makes it better. The reality is that what happened is extremely tragic, traumatic and heartbreaking. This did not happen for a positive reason, and you don’t need to make meaning of your pain right now. Simply surviving this moment is enough.

5. Seek Cultural or Spiritual Support

For many in the Filipino community, faith, ritual, and family play a central role in healing. Lighting a candle, praying with loved ones, preparing food, or attending mass may offer comfort and connection. It may be helpful to connect with a counsellor or support in Taglog, or in your native tongue. It may also feel important to attend a vigil, connect with your cultural practices or ways of grieving. There are a list of community support and grief services here. 

6. Ask for Help

Grief can be isolating. It’s okay to ask others for what you need—whether that’s company, quiet, a warm meal, or help making an appointment with a counsellor. You don’t have to carry this alone. There is a list of low cost and free counselling support that organizers have put together specifically for this incident. You can find them here. Our team of counsellors is also available to support you if you are grieving. Connect with a counsellor on our team in Vancouver or online here

7. Be Patient with the Process

Grief isn’t linear. Some days might feel okay, and others may feel crushing again. That doesn’t mean you’re moving backwards—it means you’re human. Let the waves come and go in their own time. If you need time off from school or work, that is to be expected and very normal. If you are able to reach out to your boss or professors to ask for a leave or an extension on your work this is a great option to give you more time as you are processing the loss. 

What Is Collective Grief?

Collective grief arises when a community experiences loss together. It’s the shared mourning that happens when something painful touches a large group—whether through a public tragedy, natural disaster, or even the loss of a cultural figure or community space. In this case, it’s the heartbreak of lives lost or harmed during what should have been a moment of cultural pride, celebration, and connection.

Even if you didn’t know the individuals personally, you may still feel shaken, heavy, or even guilty for being spared. This is normal. Grief doesn’t always follow the rules of proximity—it can travel across shared identity, culture, location, and empathy. In this case, the Filipino community, Vancouver citizens, and communities the victims were part of are all deeply impacted.

If You Know Someone Who Is Grieving

The Filipino community is deeply woven with values of family, care, faith, and connection. For many, this tragedy may feel like a wound to those values—a rupture in the safety of celebration and cultural pride. If someone you know is Filipino, or a witness, victim or somehow impacted by the tragedy and grieving, your presence can mean the world. Here are a few ways to be present with care, along with specific examples:

Reach out with genuine presence, not perfect words

You don’t need to say the “right” thing—just saying something matters.

• Text or message: “I heard about what happened and I’ve been thinking about you. No pressure to respond, but I’m here if you want to talk or sit together.”

• Call and leave a voice message that says, “No need to call back—just wanted you to know you’re not alone.”

Listen without trying to fix

Grief doesn’t need to be solved—it needs to be witnessed.

• If they share something emotional, respond with: “That sounds so painful. Thank you for trusting me with that.”

• Avoid trying to “cheer them up” or explain the tragedy. Just sit with what they’re feeling, even if it’s silence.

Respect cultural grieving styles

Not everyone grieves publicly or with words. For some, faith, ritual, and food are central.

• Ask if they would appreciate you attending a Mass, or vigil—even if you’re not religious.

• Offer to bring ingredients or help cook a meal that reminds them of home.

• Let them lead in how much or how little they want to talk about it.

Offer tangible support

Sometimes grief makes everyday life feel impossible.

• “Can I drop off dinner for your family on Thursday?”

• “Would it help if I drove you to the vigil or sat with you during it?”

• “I’ll be near the grocery store this weekend—can I pick anything up for you?”

Keep showing up, even after the headlines fade

The initial days after a tragedy are often full of support—but grief doesn’t end there.

• Set a reminder to check in again in a week, a month, or on key dates (e.g., the next community gathering, birthdays, anniversaries).

• Invite them gently into normal life again: “No pressure, but I’m going for a walk this weekend if you’d like to come.”

Grief Resources in Vancouver for Filipino and BIPOC Communities

If you or someone you care about is seeking support, here are local and culturally mindful options:

• S.U.C.C.E.S.S. – Multicultural Counselling Services
  Offers grief and trauma counselling in multiple languages including Tagalog.
  www.successbc.ca
• MOSAIC – Multicultural trauma and counselling services, including support for immigrants and refugees.
  www.mosaicbc.org
• Filipino Mental Health Initiative BC – Promotes mental health awareness in the Filipino community and may be hosting gatherings or support sessions.
  www.fmhi.ca
• BC Bereavement Helpline – Offers information on grief groups and one-to-one support across BC.
  www.bcbh.ca | 604-738-9950
• Filipino Emergency Response: this document has been put together by volunteers with counselling and other wellness organizations providing free or low cost counselling. https://vanfilemergency.my.canva.site/
• Haven Wellness Collective: We are a team of registered clinical counsellors, including BIPOC and Queer counsellors who provide trauma and grief counselling in person in Vancouver or online. www.havencollective.ca/contact-us 778-819-8429
• ICBC Counselling: If you were a witness, victim or family member of a victim you may be eligible for free counselling sessions through ICBC. Read more about it here, and feel free to reach out to us with questions about ICBC approved counselling.
• Victims Services: You may be eligible for CVAP counselling through Victims Services if you were a victim or witness to this tragedy. Read more about it here. 

You are not alone

In all my experience as a counsellor and a human I’ve learned that grief isn’t something you “get over.” It changes you. It reshapes your days, your sense of safety, your heart. And while that can feel overwhelming, you don’t have to carry it alone. Whether you’re grieving yourself or holding space for someone who is, please know: your pain is real, your story matters, and healing—though never linear—is possible. There’s no deadline for feeling okay again. Take your time. Breathe. Cry. Let others care for you. There may be no return to “normal,” but there can be a new way forward—with tenderness, support, and the quiet, steady presence of those who walk beside you.

If you are looking for support, please don’t hesitate to reach out to us. If our team isn’t the right type of support for you we would be honoured in sharing further resources and referrals for grief and trauma support.