The Part of Immigration We Don’t Talk About: Belonging

When we think about immigration, we often talk about the practical challenges such as securing housing, navigating paperwork, familiarizing yourself with living in a new country, learning a new language, or building a career. However, there is another aspect of immigration that rarely gets discussed: 

Where do I belong now?

While every immigration story is different, many wrestle with questions of identity, belonging, and home long after they’ve settled into a new country. Even when a move seems like the best path forward, it can come with unexpected grief, identity shifts, loneliness, and the feeling of existing between two worlds. These experiences are common, yet people often wonder if they are the only ones feeling this way.

This has certainly been true for me.

When Moving Doesn’t Automatically Mean Belonging

When I left Singapore for Canada 7 years ago, I had a lot of hope about how my life in Canada would look like. I craved freedom and acceptance, especially being queer in a country that did not support or celebrate LGBTQ2S+ rights. I believed that living in Canada would immediately bring me the freedom and belongingness I had been craving my entire life. Instead, I realized that reality looked a little different than the ideals I had in my mind.

Over time, I realized that belonging wasn’t something Canada could automatically give me simply because I had arrived. It grew through relationships, community, and moments where I felt safe enough to show up as my full self. That didn’t mean the questions disappeared, but it reminded me that belonging is often something we build, rather than something we simply find.

Building Belonging in Community

I came to find that belongingness had to be intentionally sought out for and built in community. I learnt that I would still struggle with belongingness due to other identity pieces (e.g. ethnicity, culture). I also started becoming curious about what belongingness meant for me: did I have to make myself different, smaller, hide parts of me or mask in some way in order to fit in? Did this still mean that I belonged, or was this ingenuine? Could I be authentic about how I showed up in the world, and would I experience acceptance and belonging? What were the values that were most important to me as I navigated my life in Canada, and how could I honour them? 

I started to take a deep dive into understanding the values that were important to me and that I wanted to guide how I related to myself, interacted with others, and moved through the world. I also spent time, both in and outside of therapy, understanding my different needs.

Having these values and needs at the forefront of my mind helped me become more mindful of the kinds of relationships I wanted to build and what belonging meant to me.

For example, genuineness and authenticity are really important to me. I also tend to take time to build trust with others. I’ve learned to honour that by allowing myself to go at my own pace when it comes to forming connections, rather than feeling like I need to rush or adapt myself to fit in. I pay attention to whether I feel seen, whether there is mutual trust, and whether I can show up fully as myself in a relationship.

This can feel quite countercultural, particularly coming from a culture that places a strong emphasis on productivity, achievement, and fitting in. For me, honouring my values has meant giving myself permission to be without having to abandon the parts of myself.

Grief, Gratitude, and Redefining Home

 Coming to Canada has allowed me to access resources and life experiences that I would not have had access to had I stayed in Singapore. Yet, there were also losses such as not being able to be as involved and present in friends’ and family’s lives. There has been both gratitude and grief in this journey. Sometimes, I have felt like I belonged to two worlds, but fully to neither.

Belonging can change over a lifetime. Sometimes it looks like finding people who understand your story. Sometimes it means reconnecting with parts of yourself you’ve hidden away. Sometimes it means learning that home can exist in more than one place. 

Counselling Support for Immigrants and First-Generation Individuals

What does belonging mean to you? Has your definition of home changed over time? As an RCC in Vancouver, I enjoy supporting immigrants and first-generation individuals as they navigate identity, family expectations, grief, and belonging. If this resonates with you, I’d be happy to connect.